Jay Leno is back … again.
The former “Tonight Show” host tagged in after Jimmy Fallon “pulled a muscle,” to deliver the NBC show’s opening monologue on Thursday. Leno’s barbs targeted a range of people: from reality star Kim Kardashian to President Donald Trump.
“Trump said he won’t throw out the first pitch [at the Opening Day of baseball]. He’s skipping the correspondents’ dinner. Is he that thin-skinned?” Leno asked aloud. “You know, if this guy was any more of a p—y, he could grab himself.”
“And where are all these jobs? Where are all these jobs Trump promised?” he continued. “You know, Sears just announced they’re closing 42 stores. You know what that means? Lost jobs for 42 sales clerks.”
The comedian also reprised his signature “economy is so bad” one-liners.
“The economy is so bad, the only people jumping the White House fence are contractors trying to get Trump to pay their bills,” he said. “The economy is so bad, Kellogg’s had to sell Tony the Tiger to a Chinese zoo. … The economy is so bad, a family in Africa has adopted Madonna. … The economy is so bad, Kathie Lee and Hoda have taken side jobs as bartenders just for the free drinks.”
Leno’s jabs didn’t discriminate though, as he also took aim at the other side of the aisle.
“After Anthony Weiner’s last scandal, he actually called Bill Clinton to apologize,” he said. “See, that’s when you know your life has gone off the rails: when your sexual behavior offends Bill Clinton.”
“Speaking of the Clintons, last Saturday, Bill asked Hillary to renew their wedding vows,” he continued. “Yeah. Well, it’s something he does every April Fools’ Day.”
“The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” was taping in Florida following the grand opening of Universal Studios Orlando’s 3D motion-simulator attraction “Race Through New York Starring Jimmy Fallon.”